Archive for May, 2009

Why is it always the young, troubled ones who get to have babies?

{ May 31, 2009 @ 8:39 am } · { Uncategorized }
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I am noticing a trend of late…I thought it was ‘everyone’ who was falling pregnant or having a baby, however, I am seeing that more ‘young’ people are popping out babies.

In saying that, I am aware that I too am, or would have been, ‘a young mum’, so I mean no disrespect.

It so far seems to be the people that have come from small country towns, and from broken families; ‘S’, with her bub plus one on the way- her mum had her at 15, and split from her ‘real’ father when ‘S’ was young, ‘Cat’ who has a baby boy, plus one on the way- 19 this year- saw her mum and dad go through divorce when she was 13, ‘Leslie’ who was always a troublemaker with her little one, plus the numerous others who have had children recently…

Maybe they’re trying to fill a hole? Or maybe I’m being silly…it kills me that these girls are having baby after baby, and yet I wait…twiddling my toes until my turn comes…

Welcome!

{ May 27, 2009 @ 12:36 am } · { Family and Friends, Rambles and stories, Uncategorized }
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Bec had her baby yesterday.

Ebony was born at 3:10am on the 26th of May 2009, weighing in at a hefty 9″10!

She’s a very cuddly little baby who loves to be talked to. The sound of your voice soothes her I think. She has a shock of black, velvety hair!

Mum and bub are doing well, although Bec is extrememly exhausted!

More photos tonight maybe…

All is quiet…

{ May 24, 2009 @ 9:39 am } · { Amost married life, Family and Friends, Troubling thoughts, Uni }
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I’ve been a little quiet lately…haven’t had the time/enegrgy to update…

R. managed to get himself quite injured on the 14th May…I was at the art gallery with my best friend from uni, and I recieve a text- ‘hi honey…i’m at the hospital with a gash to the forehead and 2 missing teeth- a bar fell off a crane and smashed me in the face…I don’t want you to worry..’

Poor love! There wasn’t much I could do from 500ks away, and when he rang soon after, he said “I expected you to be more worried!’  I was worried, but I knew he was ok.

So 8 stitches, a trip to the doctor, the dentist and a course of antibiotics, he came dwon to see me, despite his mother’s protests that he shouldn’t be travelling! Poor kid looks a bit banged up, but for the most part, he’s a trooper.

Also getting to the business end of the semester at uni- 3 assessments worth %70 of the unit mark, plus one exam, then freedon on the 11th june! It’s been a hard semester with such a big workload, but so worth it. The exhaustion is getting annoying, but I’ll make up for it with a 3 week holiday next month!

My best friend Bec is being induced tonight. SO maybe by this time tomorrow, she’ll be a mummy… :S

I am happy and relieved that it is all over. She’ll have her little baby and hopefully be a little more comfortable. I feel a little selfish, but I am glad that it is all over. I have given up a LOT of my own time to help her out, go to the hospital, keep her company, I was even there the night she found out she was pregnant- I had to buy the test :D She’s let me share her pregnancy with her, which has been a very special and beautiful experience…

All my effort and support only for her to keep saying to me “I only want my mum here…” It seems really selfish of me to be getting annoyed at her for constantly saying it, and I understand why she wants here mum, but it still hurts because I feel like I’m not good enough. Don’t get me wrong- no one forced me to give up my time, and I did it bacuase she’s my best friend,but it’s just difficult.

It will all be over by tomorrow though.

I will post photos if I can work out how!

Happy Mothers Day

{ May 11, 2009 @ 3:12 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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It is a little delayed, but my mothers day post…Well, do I even get to say I had a Mother’s day? It is a difficult day for those who are a member of our club…we have dead babies- does this make us mothers still? I think it does, and it makes us even more special than the other mums.

I am sorry to say my love, that I did not feel the same this year. It hurt less, just a little smile to remember you my butterfly…

I feel a little guilty for feeling this way, but I guess this is the guilt associated with moving on. If I feel this way, am I even allowed to call myself a mother? What am I?

Am I a mother? Am I a failure of a mother? I feel like I failed. My body failed me. I am a daughter, a girlfriend, a student, a friend, a teacher, a mentor, a lifeline to teenage loss mums, I am a bakery girl, a Centerlink baby, apparrently an artist, an ‘aunty’ to several friend’s babies, I am me.

But am I a mother?

Not that much to say today..8-5-09

{ May 11, 2009 @ 3:10 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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It’s funny, now that I know that people now read my blog, I feel as though I should be writing a bit more often.

My 20th came and went. It was a nice day, but honestly, the older I get, the less fun birthdays seem to be. It’s really just another day. I miss the weeks of anticipation, the excitment and all the ‘fun’ things that made it such a day when we were young…

I’m excited coz R is coming to see me today! We’ve been apart for about 5 weeks, so it will be a fab weekend. He makes me so happy. We’ve reached a ‘big step’. He’s definitley moving here next year, perhaps sooner. It is so exciting to think of us making a home together at long last. Next will be announcing the engagement I suppose :S It will happen soon!

Uni is going well, although I have to admit, I am hanging out for the holidays. Then after the break in June, we have our first Professional Practice coming up soon after. It is an exciting thought, but it scares me. I have never worked with high school students beofre, only primary… I am hoping for a good outcome though!

A long day…

{ May 4, 2009 @ 2:11 pm } · { Amost married life, Family and Friends, Lily, Uni }
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Just to report…

I have been up since 4am- my fiance is coming down for the weekend, so I’ve booked this weekend off work. Which meant that I picked up an extra shift this morning, starting at 5am. I am not so sure that the money is worth it, seeing as I finished at 9am and had Life Drawing class at 9:30am.

Needless to say, I made it to uni on time, tired and grumpy!

In baby news:

Heather had her baby girl on saturday! I am so happy for her. She’s already a wonderful mummy to her angel son Aodin, and I have no doubst she’ll be an amazing mummy to Evi too :)

Still no action with Bec- any day now, I am hoping! I am keeping my fingers crossed  for the babay to appear May 6th ( my birthday!), but you know what they say about wednesdays child…”Wednesday’s child is full of woe…”

Amy is also due in about 2 weeks, her little girl Leah will make her life content! Married with a baby on the way…thats the way life is supposed to be.

But enough baby news. I am feeling ok again about ‘everyone’ having babies and being pregnant…My time will come again- beofre I know it, I have no doubt. I just have to wait my turn.

I turn 20 this week. People roll their eyes when I say ‘my god I feel old’, but there is something about it that just seems…well, grown up. I will be a proper adult.

It has been 20 years since I made my rather dramatic entrace to the world, at a mere 24-25 weeks gestation ( mum isn’t 100% sure which week she was when she had me)…and now look. Helathy, happy ( as happy as I can be), doing well at uni, engaged…and alive. I came so close to death in the first precarious weeks of my life.

I am just one of the lucky ones. 20 years ago I survived, whereas so many born today, even with the technology and developments in medicine, they do not make it. That scares me.

It also makes me appreciate everything I have. Luck, and fate, I believe, kept me here. I am supposed to do SOMETHING with my life, but I am not sure what…yet…