Lily’s birthday passed for another year. I didn’t even say her name aloud that day. Just a quiet rememberance and an ache in my heart. I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything to DF. I am sure he thinks I have forgotten, but she still plays on my mind all too often. It has also been a week filled with babies, pregnancy loss and pregnant people.

I know that people aren’t doing it on purpose, but for gods sake why can it not be me? I am eagarly awaiting the birth of my friend’s baby. She’s just been admitted to hospital with pre-eclampisa, so my thoughts are with her and the baby that I want to be born safely! I am so thankful she is letting me share her pregnancy with her. It is just another way of me letting go and I think it has helped. There is always the part of me that longs for another little baby, but it can’t happen.

On a lighter note, I have been so on the ball latley it isn’t funny. I have been taking myself for a walk most mornings- I like to think I feel healther, but I will feel alot better when I have moved this podgy belly of mine!  A 30 minute walk is better than nothing I guess.

Uni is going surprisingly well.

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Nothing is constant; everything changes. But good changes.

We’ll just have to see where it takes me.

Deepdreamer

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