I have to wait for the baby that I long for, that I deam of, the baby that I can so easily see myself holding…

What do I do with the fact that EVERYONE around me is haing babies, and I have to wait? I did not get to hold onto my first baby. She grew her butterfly wings too early. God I miss her.

I have one of my best friends due to have a baby in a few weeks. She is so uncomfortable and over being pregnant. She’s also reached the stage where she is horribly hormonal and cranky that I don’t really know what to say to her! She is so lucky she has has the chance to go on this journey with her baby, and now we are at the end of it…I am so scared of what ‘could’ happen… But I have to stop thinking of that!

And our dear friend Heather (yummysushipajamas) who is expecting little Evi any day now…Aodin will look over you and Aaron to make sure Evi arrives safely into your awaiting arms!

The reason for this post? My friend who has a little boy- hes just turned one- is expecting another baby. So that will be 2 uner the age of 2, and she will only just be 20. I am jealous that she is pregnant and I can’t be because I chose to go topersue a career. She and her partner rely solely on government support , and struggle so much. And they are bringing another baby into their small, struggling home…When I think of the life that DF and I could give our child or children….it makes my chest hurt to think of it, because I can’t have it yet. I have to force myself to wait until I finish my degree and make a decent life for ourselves. And get married…

If THEY can have a baby, what hope do I have, with having already lost one baby to miscarriage which could equal problems with carrying a baby to term, and with DF not knowing how we will go with babies….

I guess time will tell, but with the world being BABIES,BABIES,BABIES, its a bit hard to keep away from it all…

Good luck to Bec, ‘S’ and Heather, as well as Amy and Sharyn…so may of you with little babies on the way, and yet so many of us have empty arms…

Deepdreamer

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