To end my weekend…I am sad, and blogging. Quite possibly not a good combination. I cannot help but feel a bit weak, a lot sad and extremely lost.

I wish that DF and I could stop fighting…it seems that everytime I call, or he calls me, we end up arguing. How depressing. It is hard, becuase we aren’t communicating anymore. He even says that he can’t tell what I am thinking anymore…Am I really beginning to shut myself off from him? I just cannot bear the thought of bringing him down…I cannot bring myself to share how I am really, truly feeling. I just can’t. I know I SHOULD, but something stops me every single damned time…

I feel sad. Speck should have still been nestled away, safe inside of me…12 weeks I should have been, just beginning to tell people. Speck wouldn’t have been a Speck…Speck would have been a proper little human, with eyes, legs, nails and a little tiny beating heart….You would be smiling my little angel…SMILING!!! I am so sorry that my body let you down, let your big sister down…I can only wish, pray, that this does not strike me again…2 miscarriages are enough…I don’t know what I will do if it happens again…

Deepdreamer

 

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