God it has been so long since I have last made a blog entry. So much has been going on, and yet so little.  SOOOO, I am on break for 6 weeks from uni- I did ok last semester, and a distinction for my literature class, so apparently I know something

=) My mother has been here ( staying in another place) for the last week, which was so great. Just to spend time with her, and get out of my own home!  Then the other half and I took a trip to my home town for a 21st. A good, but tiring weekend.

I, unfortunately, have been sick twice over the course of the month, both times just being a crappy cold- you know, the one where you feel like shit, but not sick enough to skip work, or the gym. Yes people, I went to the gym when I was sick. And paid for it dearly the next day!! I must be run down or somthing. Twice!!! arragh!

On that note, my hideously unfit self  JOINED A FREAKING GYM!!!!!!! I’ve been quite a few times, and the other half is beginning to notice me toning- and have a guess where? Yep- you guessed it. My ass. It’s supposedly becoming firmer! lol

I have been leading a fairly quiet life of late, and am working my way through a “self help” book on how to achive a succcessful pregnancy, after loss. Also halfway through the novel “Digging to America” by Anne Tyler, an acomplished modern literature author. AND, while I am not doing THAT, I am quickly working my way though seasons 1-5 of Grey’s Anatomy. Not that the task is a challenge or anything 🙂

So in amongst enjoying my remaining week and a bit off, I am taking the time to organise somthing small to remember Lily by. It is going to be 4 years next month since I lost her. Unfortunatley, I will be on a teaching placement through all of August and September, so some time to myself on her angelversary is out of the question. It won’t be anything big, probably take a trip to the beach (mayyybeee) and light a candle ( definitely!).

4 years. My god. Should I have not let this go by now!? Well, in a way, I guess I have, but I feel as though I can’t NOT do something. Like I am harmiong her memory, like she was never even here. It eases the guilt to do ‘something’ for her, rather than nothing.

But, I am so most definitely ready for a baby. I have 4 of my friends- 2 of them my age- having babies. I am so jealous- a case of the green eyed monster, wrapped up in envy. But i know it is not a possibility until the end of my first semester next year. At least thats what I keep telling myself. It will happen. I hope.

One day.

Deepdreamer

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