It’s been over a month since anyone has heard from me on here.

What have I been up to you ask?

I have been teaching for the last 5 weeks.  It has been a highly stressful time for me.  The school I was placed at was hugely challenging, with not much “teaching”, rather crowd control. There were a handful of good kids, but on the whole, it was pretty bad. Still, the behaviour management skills I have practiced, and gained, are invaluable. So I thank the school for that!

Lily’s angelversary came and went.

I broke on my way to a doctor’s appointment that afternoon.

Driving while hysterically crying is NOT the best idea. I don’t know what triggered the crying, but I was glad it happened. I had a moment where I lost control of myself entirely, and debated about pulling over. It was a fairly busy road, so I gained control pretty quickly. I think I needed it.

 I spent the day at school, and subsequently, I had to keep my emotions in check. Being on my own in the car, crying, was the lowest point. But I got control, and was able to use the afternoon to sit, and to remember. It was a bittersweet day.

It’s also coming up to a year since I lost Little Speck. I can’t believe it’s come around so fast. This time last year, I didn’t even know I was pregnant, and yet- there he was, snug and safe and growing. Such a surprise you were, my baby.

For October 15th- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day- I am meeting up with some ladies in my town and heading to the beach, to remember and to celebrate these precious lives lost. I am hugely looking forward to it. The day comes 2 days after the angelversary of Little Speck. I look forward to this very much.

It’s also Father’s Day today.

For my beautiful, loving, amazing fiance- Happy Father’s Day my love. Even though you do not know you are a father. I hope,one day- you will be.

Deepdreamer

Advertisements