I had an errand to run yesterday that involved driving with my almost 4 year old cousin in the back seat with me. She’s 4 months older than what Lily ‘would’ have been, with her born in December, and Lily due in March.

It was hard when I lost Lily, watching her ( my cousin) grow and develop. It hurt in my stomach,and in my heart. It was too close, at that time, to bear.

These days, I am ok with it. I see my baby cousin for who she is, not the closest child I know to Lily’s would- be developmental age.

Anyway, I was drivng with her in the back of my car yesterday, and the thought hit me. I wondered, “Would you be like this little girl, Lily?”

She’s beautiful- a really beautiful child with blonde hair, blue eyes, a gorgeous smile, and of course, a wicked side!

I wondered if Lily would have been like her? Encouraging me to drive faster, gliggling hilariously, talking to me from her car seat in the back, asking me questions, me cracking up laughing at her questions or responses. My poor cousin wasn’t intentionally being funny. But through the eyes of a 3 year old, everything was fun and innocent. I was genuinley pleased to be in her company, and I think she’s going to have a great sense of humour when she’s older.

Lily-Bug, it’s days like these I get a glimpse into the life I could.should.would have, and I miss you. But I smile. I know you’re safe and happy wherever you are.

I love you, my butterfly.