So here it is again. Christmas.

A dity word in anyone’s book who works in retail. Today really was “Black Friday”, as Christmas eve fell on a Friday here in Australia.

Because of Black Friday, we were all prepared for the day to be chaotic as soon as those doors opened at 8am, on the dot. We needed as many (humanly) hours before the store opened to get everything presented and looking nice. So I started work at 5am.

I had forgotten there WAS a 5am…

I was driving to work this morning, just as the sun was rising on this Christmas eve. The sky was pained blue, tinges with green, and yellow, where the sun was coming up over the hills. It was a beautiful sight to see, the beginning of one of the most magical days of the year.

I burst into tears as I watched that sunrise, as I was driving.

I cried because I thought to myself ” It’s another Christmas without my children”. It’s another year where I do not buy gifts for my children, I do not excite them with stories of reindeer and Santa, I do not take them for drives to see the elaborate displays of Christmas lights, they do not sit on Santa’s lap, wishing for the world for Christmas. It would have been Little Speck’s first Christmas this year. I am not sad about this, I just feel as though I am missing out.

I cried because they should be here to see something so beautiful as the sun rising on Christmas eve.

I cried because once again, it is another something that is a reminder of what I don’t have.



This isn’t a blog post about what I don’t have. It’s about what I DO have.

What I DO have this Christmas, is a lovely collection of Christmas cards from other parents from around the world, who have sent me their words of kindness, just to let me know- “you arent’ alone”. It is nice to think that because of my children, I am helping to bring a small amount of peace to many famlilies.

I DO have a loving family to spend the day with, to drink with, to shower with love and to shapre a Christmas meal with.

I DO have a great crew at work who made my day by giving gifts at 5am today. What a great way to start work!

I DO have a loving, amazing, wonderful fiance’, who I am away from this Christmas. But that’s ok. Our love knows no distance! I am excited to see the gift he got for me. No clue, whatsoever!

And I DO have my children. They are not with me. But they have brought so many amazing, kind, warm people into my life. I love you two so much for this. Lily and Little Speck, I am glad to have you.

A very Merry Christmas to ALL of you, and if you’re in Europe or America- stay warm and enjoy your white Christmas!

If you’re here in Australia- stay cool!

}|{ Peace and love to you and yours }|{