Happy New Year, friends and readers!

I honestly don’t have much to report on.

I DID however, set myself a goal for this year, as impossible as it seems.

I am starting this year off NOT pregnant, I do not plan (PLAN being the operative here) on becoming pregnant this year, and hope to finish the year off with one thing in mind:

“You  WILL wait and let the baby obsession GO until 2016. LET IT GO!!!!!”

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

It’s not as easy as snapping my fingers and the obsession, the feeling in my heart, in my stomach, the waiting- It won’t just go away magically.

I think this year is about giving myself time to accept that it is not going to happen any time soon for me.

I need to accept it.

Give myself something constructive to focus THAT side of my brain on.

Give myself time to get to “Know” who I really am, as a person.

Give myself time to grow.

To shine

To live

To ready myself for motherhood- in the future. And the best way to do this is to accept that a baby is not going to happen. Yet.

I just have to wait.

Patience, after all, is a virtue.


This does not mean that my beautiful babies, Lily and Little Speck, are forgotten.

Quite the opposite.

Every day, I cherish their memory.

A framed picture is hanging in our living roow.

Two hearts under a setting sun. ( by Carly Marie at carlymariephotography)

Two hearts to symbolise two perfect spirits.

Mummy loves you, my babies. Very much.


Here’s to 2011- the year of discovering who I am underneath the shadow of my loss.