About life after loss, and how being given the opportunity to be around and nurture Other People’s Babies (OPB’s- or kids) has been the thing that has “most” helped me heal- that and the volunteer work I do in the BabyLost community.

While I was having a think about what I could post about, this feeling of overwheling sadness came over me. This has been happening for a few days.

It is Little Speck’s first birthday next week. On June 15th ( give or take a number of days) he would have been a happy, healthy little one year old. I still wonder about that little baby, taken away far too soon. I wonder who he would have taken after? Would he have my artisic streak? His father’s laid-back nature? My family’s sporting passion?

This wonderment, and the fear that goes along with life post-miscarriage, it is a hard place. It scares me to no end that I “could” have had a 4 -year- old- child, and an almost one-year-old.  But in amongs the fear is pride. I am so proud of my babes, even though they did not stay for long.

Fear, wonderment, pride, loss. I guess it reflects every day life really.