Not too many people in my “real” life know that I have had two miscarriages. Not many people know how devestating I found each of them. Not many people know just how deeply my longing to becomg a mother really is.

Because not many people know, all of Lily’s and Speck’s momentos- the majority of them- live in boxes ( beautiful ones, but still boxes) at the top of my wardrobe. It saddens me that their belongings do not have a space in my home, because I share it with 3 other people, two of which have no idea of this side of me.

I do, despite all of the above, have items in my living area- for them. Ones that are discreet in meaning, so that I do not have to explain them. I have two framed, stunning images from Carly Marie ( projectheal.blogspot.com) on my wall. One is of a butterfly under a mutli-coloured sunset, the other of two hearts under the same sunset.

I also have a framed photo on my bookshelf of a heart in the sand from Carly’s site. This has two candles next to it. Most days, I have these candles burning to remind me of the lives I carried within me.

I have candles lit most days, as a reminder. No one questions this, no one thinks anything of it.

In our bedroom, I have an “inspiration board”- a canvas wrapped with string with items on it that remind me of Lily. Next to that, I have her bear, and next to that I have a scented pink candle that is lit most nights.

Most days, I wear a discreet piece of jewellery- the one that I recieved on Lily’s birthday this year. This reminds me of them every day, and brings me peace when I wear it.

Even though my children do not have a specific place in my home, I have discreet, beautiful reminders of them. These reminders ease the pain, and are beautiful reminders of their brief lives.

K, I hope some of this helps. It is ok to have your children’s memorial displayed in your home- keeping it discreet makes it all the more sweeter xxx

Advertisements