Lately, I have been looking forward to the land of slumber, the land of my dreams. Each day, I know that this awful feeling that continues to re-surface will go- when I am asleep.

Some of it comes from the desire for another baby, but my practical side telling me no. And for good reason.

Last night, I dreamed of being at a hospital, waiting to have some sort of ultrasound or scan done on my stomach. I’d go into the room, only to be told that another case was more important, and that I’d have to wait. This happened seven or eight times. In the end, I do not know what happened, I guess I woke up. I didn’t look too much into it, but the more I’ve thought about it, the more I think it is an unconscious fear of another miscarriage, of not having any answers; a fear of the unknown.

I’m in that unknown currently, and it is hard work. Keeping my head above water, getting through each day, trying to stay positive.

It’s hard, but at the end of the day, I am the one in control of my emotions, not anyone else.