I find myself quashing the thoughts I so very frequently have- about having a baby, about not baing able to actually carry and keep a baby.
I find myself mentally trying to shake myself out of it, screaming inside of my head ‘It was just a miscarriage- get over it!’ I then physically shake myself- THAT is society telling me that it was just a miscarriage.
To me it wasn’t just anything. It was the loss of a life, the loss of the future. My hopes, my dreams, for my baby shattered- twice. TWICE. I dread the day- and the fear, and the knowledge, when I can say that I have lost three, four, five babies- god knows how many, and when it will end. It will be the day that I close off completely, shut off from everything, from the world. Twice is enough. Please. No more.
How though, does it work, that I seem to be feeling ( in general) better- mentally, physically,emotionally, about my latest miscarriage? How come it seems to be easier- if such a thing exists? Maturity? An ability to cope better? Resilience?
I believe it was wearing my grief like a coat for three years- everyday, I wore this coat. I still do- but now, it is more of a cardigain- light, but still there.
I think wearing a heavy coat allowed me to shed it for a cardigain.
It helped me handle my latest loss easier.
Losing Lily 
thinking of you and your precious children Speck and Lily , sending you massive cyber hugs xxxxxxx hugs xxxxxxx
I had a miscarriage in 2008, at 8 weeks. I lost Finley at 41 weeks during em c section last august. I found my first miscarriage harder. I never did anything to mark it, never had any memorys, and i have not gotten over it. I have found finleys loss easier to deal with, we honoured him with a funeral, we held him and photos and videos and cuddles. I buried my pregnancy test kit from the first loss with finley, i now go to see them together.